It’s Morbin’ time over on Netflix, now that the latest Sony-made Spider-Man movie without Spider-Man has hit the streamer’s catalog. Morbius also happens to be one of the biggest cinematic jokes of 2022, thanks to the magical world of memes.
Starring Jared Leto as Doctor Michael Morbius, the movie follows the good doctor’s attempts to find a cure for a rare and debilitating disease that stops his body from creating new blood; that's not the most ridiculous part of this whole thing. To do this, Morbius decides it would be a super-fun idea to deliberately turn himself into a vampire.
Spoiler alert: the whole endeavor actually works and Morbius is imbued with super strength, sonar, and the power of flight. The consequence is that he needs to drink human blood, and going too long turns him into a feral Nosferatu-looking monster.
Oh and Morbius’ best friend Milo (Matt Smith) also has the disease, steals the “cure” for himself, and goes on a blood-sucking rampage across New York. Unlike Morbius, who is torn about his new affliction, Milo seems happy to embrace his new vampiric nature.
To his credit, Smith seems to be having a great time strutting around New York and dancing topless. The rest of the movie is not so great, with a nonsensical plot, really bad writing, and the baffling decision to try and pass off the London Underground as a stand-in for the New York subway.
It also has the worst post-credit sequences to ever grace a movie, let alone one in a Marvel-centric property. Yes, even worse than the one with Thanos claiming the Infinity Gauntlet.
No I didn’t enjoy Morbius, as you can tell. And if I had my way it definitely won't be ending up on our list of the best Netflix movies.
Apparently I'm not the only one. Morbius has a 15% critics rating on Rotten Tomatoes, based on 272 professional reviews. The official consensus that Morbius is “cursed with uninspired effects, rote performances, and a borderline nonsensical story, this dreary mess is a vein attempt to make Morbius happen”
The audience score tells a different story, with a 71% rating based on over 5,000 ratings. The consensus there is that “Morbius isn't telling the most original story, but cool visuals and fast action keep things entertaining.” However the box office takings paint things just a little differently,
According to Box Office Mojo, Morbius took $163.8 million at the global box office — $73.8 million of which came from the United States. That’s on an estimated budget of $75 million to $83 million, per Deadline. It’s not a bad amount, all things considered, but it’s a far cry from the $1.9 billion earned by Spider-Man: No Way Home — a movie with more Spider-Men than you can shoot a web at.
Morbius also suffered a major embarrassment when Sony re-released the movie to 1,037 theaters across the U.S. The movie only earned an additional $300,000, or roughly $289.29 per theater, that weekend. Apparently, some people at Sony saw all the social media hype Morbius was getting, including the memes, and didn’t realize it was all an elaborate joke.
Needless to say the movie didn’t even come close to earning “one morbillion dollars." And it probably didn’t help that you could already buy or rent Morbius digitally at the time.
If you haven’t seen Morbius yet, then you better head over to Netflix. If you’re curious to see what all the fuss was about, then you can do it without spending any extra money in the process.
Maybe that will help the movie get the morbillion views it absolutely does not deserve. As for me, I will not be watching it. I did it once, and frankly that was too much Morbin’ for one lifetime.