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Now Proven: Laptops Hurt Testicles

Even the most funny (or tragic) events have scientific names. In a recent test, researchers used “scrotal hyperthermia” to describe the heat-related effects of laptops on male genitalia. In layman’s terms: consistently using a laptop on your lap (duh) will cause your balls to overheat.

While some of you may consider such a "revelation" quite obvious, science has finally given us exact figures. For the test, 29 male volunteers were divided into three groups. All were asked to use a laptop for 60 minutes, while sensors detected any temperature changes in their scrotums.

The first team kept their legs closed, placing the laptops directly on their thighs. The second worked on a laptop pad, also planted on their upper legs. The third group kept their legs open, forming a 70 degree angle with them. The laptop was placed on a pad, which was situated directly in front of the user’s groin.

The result: Group 1's scrotums suffered from an average temperature increase of 2.4 degrees. For the second team it was 2.1 degrees. Last but not least was the 1.4 average of the third group. Even laptop pad users experienced significant increases in temperature.

As any fertility expert will tell you, the testicles are situated in the scrotum because the twin organs need to be slightly cooler than the rest of the body to work efficiently. A warmer scrotum means its contents will have a harder time producing the sperm cells crucial to conception. The test shows that the best course of action is to use that portable computer on a desk—your future children will thank you.

  • Parrdacc
    Great ball's of fire Batman!
    Reply
  • donk2homebase
    Does this mean that instead of condoms I can use my laptop before sex?
    Reply
  • ordcestus
    thats why i push my laptop more onto my knees ;) .
    Reply
  • turbolover22
    After reading the title my initial thought was, "What, when the laptop is thrown at them?"
    Reply
  • jomofro39
    This could be the most underhanded mass-contraceptive program in the history of the world.
    Reply
  • SteelCity1981
    Trojan Condoms. " Damnit who released this info to the public I thought we took care of this by paying millions of dollars to keep this a secret."
    Reply
  • jimmysmitty
    I knew there was a reason why I didn't like laptops. Just never seemed natural to me.

    I wonder if older laptops are worse considering the heat output they have or if one with a GPU and while gaming will be ever worse....
    Reply
  • Scotteq
    ..in the meantime, the laptop using geeks continue to wear tighty~whiteys. ;)
    Reply
  • As if it matters considering there looking up porn anyways!
    Reply
  • applegetsmelaid
    Someone funded this study - they actually spent money on this.
    Reply