This marvel of the Industrial Revolution easily plugs in to solve your concerns.
Yes, we all find pseudo-industrial age tech enchanting, but what in the world is this? A steam-driven bedtime companion for your lady's lonely nights? That's not exactly what you would call appropriate, especially from a device that takes its cue from the very prudish Victorian era.
It all starts to make sense when you unscrew the cap. See? There's no need to worry. Yes, it's designed to plug in to something, but that something is your computer. This is actually a USB flash drive.
This Steampunk-inspired USB stick is made from brass, copper and glass. An antique watch provides all the internal clockwork. It even glows when plugged in, or during data transfer, giving off a weird Doctor Who vibe. Be prepared, though. It not only looks like an antique, but is priced just like one. Each drive will set you back about $235.