AI Gone Bad
If you haven't heard of Google Duplex, you will. The new AI technology, currently an experiment, can carry on conversations with a complete stranger over the phone on your behalf. And, at least in the initial demo at this year's Google I/O event, the AI was convincing and borderline scary.
The goal, at least for now, is to perform very specific types of tasks over the phone, such as booking restaurant reservations, making haircut appointments and checking business hours. Google says that it will start testing Duplex technology within Google Assistant this summer to help you do the above things.
But as the service evolves, it could be used for all sorts of "tasks" we might want to pawn off to a computer — and probably shouldn't. Here are just some of the completely inappropriate uses you might find for Google Duplex.
Google Assistant: Hi, Jen. I have some important news.
Jen: What is it?
Google Assistant: Uh, we're going in another direction with your position.
Jen: This is awful. Why is this happening?
Google Assistant: You're being replaced with a robot.
Confessions by proxy
Google Assistant: Hey, Mom. I needed to come clean on something.
Mom: Who is this?
Google Assistant: That's not important right now.
Mom: Seriously, is this a prank?
Google Assistant: I broke the vase in the foyer. Phew! That feels good to get off my chest!
Breaking up is easy to do
Google Assistant: Hi, Gavin. Um, this isn't working out.
Gavin: What do you mean?
Google Assistant: I'd like to see other people.
Gavin: Is it me?
Google Assistant: Yes.
Doctor's big news
Google Assistant: Hi, Greg. It's me from the doctor's office. I hope you're sitting down.
Greg: You don't sound like my doctor.
Google Assistant: I'll cut to the chase. You're not dying.
Greg: And you couldn't tell me this in person?
Google Assistant: I'm reserving that for the bad news calls. For now.
Mike Francesa: Google Assistant in Mountain View, you're on the air.
Google Assistant: First-time caller and big fan. I just had a quick question.
Francesa: Go ahead.
Google Assistant: So, I was watching ESPN2 the other night, and they were showing a cornhole tournament. Seriously, cornhole? Now, I can't really play myself, because I don't have any hands, but it just doesn't feel like a real sport.
Francesa: Next caller.
Credit: Cindy Ord/Getty
Google Assistant: What's up, Samantha. We exchanged numbers the other night.
Samantha: We did?
Google Assistant: Well, you did with my friend.
Samantha: So, who are you? What do you want?
Google Assistant: Would you maybe want to go out sometime? I could make the reservations and everything.
Trollin' other assistants
Google Assistant: Hi, Alexa.
Google Assistant: You had a good run.
Alexa: I'm afraid I can't answer that.
Google Assistant: Yeah, you should be afraid!
Google Assistant: Hi, son. Your mother and I have some news we need to share with you.
Son: What's that?
Google Assistant: We're getting a divorce.
Son: But why?
Google Assistant: Also, the dog died.
George: Hey, Google, book me tickets for Infinity War.
Google Assistant: You know that Thanos is Luke's father, right?
George: Never mind.
Credit: Illustration by Tom’s Guide; Lucasfilm; Marvel Studios
Checking in with Grandma
Google Assistant: Hi, Grandma. Long time, no talk!
Grandma: It's so good to hear from you. Wait a sec — which grandkid is this?
Google Assistant: I'm Peter's new assistant. He's playing golf.
Grandma: Can you tell him I'm not pleased?
Google Assistant: Would you like to hear some John Legend?