The end of September means the start of spooky season for the 7 new movies streaming online this week. And the week is all about a mix of different kinds of frights. But the best movie of the week that we've already seen isn't spooky at all: Bullet Train, led by Brad Pitt, is a hilarious action movie that you might think of as "John Wicks on a train."
The Halloween hijinks do start early this year (as they seemingly always do) when Hocus Pocus 2 bring the Sanderson sisters to Disney Plus. This sequel brings Salem's funkiest witches to 2022, where everything's more confusing than it was during the original. As I note in our Hocus Pocus 2 review, the film's strong suits are the returning Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy and Sarah Jessica Parker, as well as new addition Sam Richardson.
Also new this week, A24's excellent Bodies Bodies Bodies is finally available on digital this week. The Gen Z comedy/horror film stars Pete Davidson as David, who's invited friends over for a hurricane party. The lights go out after a heated argument, and the movie becomes a whodunit.
Meanwhile, Netflix offers its NC-17 Marilyn Monroe movie, Rob Zombie's Munsters revival and the Gamestonk documentary we've been waiting for.
Want more? See the best new moves and shows to watch this weekend, including Hocus Pocus 2 and The Walking Dead finale.
Bullet Train is far better than it has any real right to be. A star-studded action movie set on a Tokyo bullet train, this film features Brad Pitt as a hitman code-named Ladybug who has a simple mission he can't complete. He even runs afoul of chart-topping music superstar Bad Bunny, playing a rival assassin. That, in many other situations, would be enough.
But the neon-soaked and joke-stuffed Bullet Train goes further to massive rewards. Aaron Taylor-Johnson (Kick-Ass) and Brian Tyree Henry (Atlanta) play Tangerine and Lemon, another pair of assassins, whose banter is as fantastic as their chemistry as brothers who can't get along. That said, a trio of scene-stealing cameos nearly send Bullet Train — basically a slapstick version of John Wick — into the upper echelons of the best movies of 2022.
Buy it right now on Prime Video
For all who need their classic monster revivals, Rob Zombie's version of the Munsters is here (while you wait for Tim Burton's Wednesday show on Netflix). It looks to deliver the campy groovy vibes of the 1960s classic TV series while also delivering the origin story for the relationship between parents Lily (Sheri Moon Zombie) and Herman (Jeff Daniel Phillips).
While the two get along smoothly at first, we learn that the guy we know as the lovable Grandpa Munster was once the thorn in the side of their courtship. Here, The Count (Daniel Roebuck) is trying to get in their way at every step.
Stream it right now on Netflix
Bodies Bodies Bodies
David (Pete Davidson) is about to host the wildest party he didn't quite plan for. He and his friends all decided it would be really fun to have a hurricane party at David's parents' regal estate that looks perfect for a horror movie. Oh, and as if these kids weren't tense enough, their estranged friend Sophie (Amandla Stenberg) decided to crash the party, and bring her very-new girlfriend Bee (Maria Bakalova) with her.
While Bodies Bodies Bodies starts as an exercise in how to be petty while fun during a storm, one of these youths dies and it turns the whole affair into a "whodunit?" affair. Think Clue: The Next Generation. It even has Lee Pace (Halt and Catch Fire) as Greg, the awkwardly-older boyfriend of Alice (Rachel Sennott) who nobody really knows that well.
Buy it right now on Prime Video
Netflix doesn't really do NC-17 content. Rarely, they will license one. But its new movie Blonde is the first ever NC-17 film released by Netflix itself. What does that mean for the Ana de Armas-starring film based on Joyce Carol Oates' novel about a … different version of Marilyn Monroe? We don't know every reason, but the two reasons we already know are going to test the limits of some audiences.
Director Andrew Dominik has openly said the film is meant to make you uncomfortable and generate controversy, and it's been revealed that Blonde will include a "graphic rape scene" (Dominik's words to Screen Daily). Oh, and there will also be a vaginal point of view shot (according to Empire), according to many reports. If done artfully, Blonde may be a winner. But there is a cynical way of reading all of this that makes the film sound as sensationalist as the wildest parts of The Boys season 3.
Stream it on Netflix right now
Eat the Rich: The GameStop Saga (Netflix)
Netflix's documentaries often require a specific solemn tone. This is not one of those documentaries. Eat the Rich reminds us all of the very un-serious tone surrounding the Gamestonk situation. Stock trading, often seen as a game that the rich win at by playing the rest of us for fools, was turned on its head when amateur traders decided to "save" GameStop.
So if you want to get a reminder of what short-selling is, and hear from the people who broke the rules to upset the status quo, Eat the Rich gives you that plus more memes making fun of the people who typically control the market than you can handle.
Stream it on Netflix right now
Hocus Pocus 2 (Disney Plus)
Salem and the rest of the world is officially on notice, as the Sanderson Sisters are back, and they're not alone, either. Tweny-nine years after they were vanquished, someone makes the mistake of lighting the Black Flame Candle again, bringing Winifred (Bette Midler), Sarah (Sarah Jessica Parker) and Mary (Kathy Najimy) Sanderson back to our reality.
Aspiring young witches Becca (Whitney Peak) and Izzy (Belissa Escobedo) look to try and stop them, but they have some high school drama to sort out before they can stop this bewitching triumvirate. Sam Richardson (The Afterparty, I Think You Should Leave) looks to steal every scene he can as Gilbert, the clerk running the local magic shop.
As I noted in our Hocus Pocus 2 review, this movie is a fun ride and a good watch for those who love the original. Unfortunately, as much as you'll root for the teens at the center of the film, their story is a bit undercooked. Richardson is fantastic as Gilbert, though. If a Hocus Pocus 3 happens, he needs to be in it.
Stream it on Disney Plus tomorrow (Friday, Sept. 30)
The Greatest Beer Run Ever (Apple TV Plus)
During the Vietnam War, Chickie Donahue (Zac Efron) is back home and wishing he could do something to help his friends in the field. And in the most dude-bro decision ever, Chickie decides that his friends need icy, cold American beer. And as far-fetched as this all sounds, it's actually based on a true story.
But once Chickie gets into the battlefield, he makes friends and raises the ire of his friends who see his gesture as a foolish mockery of their life choices. Look out for a cameo from Bill Murray as a barkeep who inspires Chickie's decision. But through a journalist (Russell Crowe), Chickie may find a way to contribute more than mere suds.
Stream it on Apple TV Plus this Friday (Sept. 30)
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