Skip to main content

Who Designed This Crap? The Great Ipod Scam

Ipod Nightmares

WARNING: If you own an Apple Ipod or have a passionate desire to own one, reading this article could be hazardous to your health. On the other hand it might help you break or avoid a nasty and expensive habit.

I don't remember most of the dreams I have, whether nice or nasty. But, man, did I remember one from last week. I was on this really long and rambling road being chased by millions of Ipods of every size and shape. Though none of their earbuds were plugged in, there were so many of the things I could hear the mother of all mixes, every song, podcast and TV show available on Itunes.

That's not all; behind all the Ipods was a bunch of silent zombie-like humans led by Steve Jobs. All of them had tons of folding money falling out of their pockets and eye sockets. I recognized most of these celebs. Everyone was there from Job's Apple cofounder Steve Wozniak to ex-Disney head Michael Eisner to a passel of entertainers including Britney Spears, rapper Ghostface Killa, Michael from NBC's "The Office" dragging a zombie birthday cake and Josef Suk, classical violinist.

As with most bad dreams, I awoke in a sweat of horror before the final reel. So I don't know if I got caught or not. It was then that I realized I was not new to Ipod nightmares. It's only that my previous nightmares were real.

So that you don't get a nosebleed adjusting to the various parts of the Great Ipod Scam, I'm going to start with the least offensive sub-scam and end with the most egregious of all.