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RIM Receives an Acquisition Offer That's Hard to Believe

In what seems like a delayed April Fool's joke, the CEO of United Vision Marketing Firms (UVMF) said on Thursday that the company is making an offering to Research In Motion (RIM) to acquire its BlackBerry assets.

But alas, there doesn't seem to be any jokes involved. After a strategy session with UVMF's board members and consultants, the company proposes an all stock swap deal that will position RIM shareholders to be in a greater equity position by swapping for UVMF's IPO stock price.

"The team at UVMF feels the move is perfect timing on how to better leverage itself against other device makers," the company stated on Thursday. "The deal will help the development of UVMF'S $1.6 Billion proposed Pearson Education Tablet (PET), take UVMF public and develop a new brand imaging campaign for Black Berry Products using UVMF's entertainment ties."

Now here's where the announcement gets a little strange. According to the UVMF, it's a smaller company but is best known for its "big ideas." The actual founder/CEO of the firm, self proclaimed 37-year-old Dr. Nono C. Pearson, started out as a D.J. producer and song writer. He's also supposedly known for starting and predicting new trends including "the biggest in history and some of the worst trends in history, like our current economic crises."

"One trend that Dr. Pearson has been more vocal about in past interviews is what he called 'making country cool' in rap music," the company claims. "This was at the time when the east and west coast rap music ruled the air waves. It's now documented that the 'make country cool' movement in rap music has sold over 78 million records for the recording industry."

Pearson reportedly plans to head to Wall Street with the copyrights to prove that he is the owner of what he calls "Corporate Hip Hop" while pushing the concept to the entertainment business. Meanwhile, UVMF has signed up a multi-platinum selling rapper to help set the trend that will help develop the market and leverage the acquisition deal.

"From day one we have been positioning United Vision Marketing Firm to be the Apple of the future in terms of out innovating the competition by continuously focusing on the best technology, creativity and delivering socially relevant content," says Eze Redwood COO of UVMF.

The company claims it has a huge portfolio of "socially relevant ideas to bring to market that will totally monetize its business model beyond advertising revenue."

Somehow we think RIM might actually decline this offer.

  • Marco925
    Despite all the bad news, i don't think RIM will go out that easily, they still have no debt and still sitting on large amounts of cash, and they're still actually making money.
    Reply
  • computernerdforlife
    This article is today's joke of the day. Trading shares from a lesser company with a rapper at the helm of this company. The best part: it's because he can predict events.

    Then give me RIM: I predict our economic downturn is far from over and that 2012 will not be the end of the world. I'm a stock investor and my position is short trading RIM right now.
    Reply
  • SEEMS LEGIT. I can tell from the high quality of UVMF's website, and from having seem quite a few Nigerian scam emails in my day.
    Reply
  • beayn
    If they're a multi billion dollar outfit, why can't they spend a few thousand on a good website?
    Reply
  • freggo
    This must be a delayed April Fools joke.


    Reply
  • zybch
    This article is extremely badly written. Seriously, what the hell does "The actual founder/CEO of the firm, self proclaimed 37-year-old Dr. Nono C. Pearson" mean? What has he self proclaimed his age? name? What?

    The rest of it reads almost as badly, often needing a 2nd read to understand the point.
    Reply
  • devBunny
    Seriously, what the hell does "The actual founder/CEO of the firm, self proclaimed 37-year-old Dr. Nono C. Pearson" mean?

    Yes, I also did a double-take on that one. I decided that it was close ... the 37-year-old , self proclaimed Dr. Nono C. Pearson.

    I've got a doctorate, too. I know that ''cos the guy in my mirror said so and it sounded cool. ;o)
    Reply
  • rjandric
    Actually, I'll buy RIM on Monday, I'll submit my offer after Easter holidays.
    Reply
  • icemunk
    lol.. what a farce. Blackberry isn't doing great these days, but that's how it works in the forever changing smartphone industry. You can be on top one year, and at the bottom the next. All it takes is one awesome flagship phone, or one not-so-awesome phone to make or break you. RIM still has no debt, so they can stay afloat. They should really just skip the dual-core processor, and jump into quad ASAP. Even if it means a lower profit margin.
    Reply